Do Yamato, Yuzuki, and Takuto Spend Their Lives at SALONS, BTW?

If you’re anything like me, you’ve often wondered if the aforementioned hotties–and Tennoji, Hiro, Ayato, Bandana, Minato, Tsumugu, Shusei, Akito, etc.–spend their lives in a SALON, and/or if they actually have HOST HAIR.

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Yammy the CEO-hopeful

As far as I can tell/remember, they’re all supposed to be ethnically Japanese, right? Right. (Right?)

And as far as I know (THOUGH I COULD VERY EASILY BE WRONG ABOUT THIS), neither red nor yellowish-brownish hair is natural to a person who is 100% Japanese (ethnically) for oodles of generations.

(For example, there’s Egyptians with green eyes and somewhat-blondeish hair (naturally, in both cases), and lots of people coo over the anomaly (but only coz it’s “soooo Western,” sigh).

And, of course, the family tree of Barbie II is always brought out, ie “oh, but her great-great-great-great aunt from Edward’s side was actually FRENCH,” followed by sage nods (and somewhat-resigned-but-more-like-grimacing-expressions) and a comfortable silence. Enough about that, though.)

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Straight-talking, case-closing Yutaka Tennoji, one of Tokyo’s finest 

Ok, if 20 or 30 or even 50% of those guys have a foreign relative, then… ok.

BUT.

But!

The partially-Japanese characters are usually (ALWAYS, actually–in Voltage games, anyway) identified rather clearly; the “discrepancy” in their blood (for lack of a better word) usually becomes quite a plot point, in fact.

(However much I may despise the phrase, I’ve gotta say YAY for teachable moments.)

Consider the evidence:

 

Ren Shibasaki, My Forged Wedding, My Forged Wedding PARTY (MFW/P)

His granny (the queen mother) is Japanese, which explains why he and his parents (AND DANIEL) are all more-than-fluent in Japanese. In fact…

 

Moving on to…

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Noel Aijima, racing superstar and panda aficionado

Noel Aijima, Sleepless Cinderella PARTY and Seduced in the Sleepless City

His mum was Japanese, though we never meet her (even in flashbacks, unlike Ren and his Japanese granny, who does appear every so often).

In the PARTY version, his lack of knowledge about Japanese traditions (like KFC for Christmas, and White Day/Valentines Day) makes that particular MC act particularly needy and whiny (whilst acting tough, my least favourite permutation), while his flubbed lines fill Yuzuki with mirth (as they’re usually really great mistakes that REALLY mean something hilarious and/or insane, but enough about that…for the moment, anyway).

and, of course:

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Could Eiki Yachigusa be the Sweetest (and Spiciest) crime-fighter in all of Second Unit?

Eiki Yachigusa, Metro PD: Close to You

Adorable young Eiki’s time as a detective in the NYPD (?) leads to all sorts of arrests and shenanigans.

And YES, they make AMPLE usage of the “lost in translation” angle, and many, many others.

(As they always do. Not that this is a bad thing, of course; entertaining lessons and educational fun are ALWAYS welcome by the lively staff at PLAYED Magazine (and, in particular, the Editor of Doom… ahem.)

But anyway. You get the point, right?

That POINT is that… none of the guys at the beginning of this spiel have that “excuse” (of DNA, aka “reason for random hair colours to show up)!

SO… do they go to the salon?!?
Coz if they do, I’m confiscating ALL their Coolness Points.
STAT.

This is NOT meant to imply that men–and heterosexual men, in particular–shouldn’t get their hair or brows or nails, even, done. Or to diss anyone who DOES devote “quite a bit” of their week to grooming and/or primping (especially since I’m one person whose opinion is, in fact, an opinion–though that’s not even my opinion, btw. But anyway.)

Rather, it’s the fact that police officers and professors and noble thieves wouldn’t really have the *time* for all that hoopla, would they?

Actors and models and otherwise-miyabi Miyabis could GET the time, or might even HAVE to (for a shoot).

But, like… you know?

Or maybe you don’t. Fine, check this out for a sec:

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So, in the end, it’s not that the whole “lighter hair is more attractive, coz it looks more ‘Western'” thing (aka 3o2dat el khawaga, or The Foreign Complex), where “Western” actually means “Caucasian” (though actually–argh, never mind. That’s a Pandora’s Box, if ever there was one. And I’ve written an entire book on the topic, so go read that, if you want. Coz right now, we fightin’ FIRES, y’all. Well, the fire of fire-coloured hair on someone who couldn’t have inherited, and who doesn’t have the time to get it done. Logically, I mean. But then, this *is* fiction, isn’t it? A diversion, right? And yet, I find myself more diverted by the logical flaws in the would-be diversion. Sigh.)

Where was I?

Ah, yes:

How in the universe would a genius hacker have literally 2-4 hours. EVERY. SINGLE. WEEK.

To get his hair did?

takuto1001
Oh, Takuto…

OH!

Could he have (somehow) obtained an in-home Blonde Frosting Touch-Up Kit?!

Coz that would be even WORSE.

I don’t even know what more I can say.

Except…

Why, Voltage…. WHY??!!?!?!

*  * END Diatribe of Doom * *

 

 

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