Once upon a time I, for some reason, ended up with an unsharp and in all manners unattractive “shot” of a fake sheriff’s badge.

“Never fear,” I counselled myself, “Paint Can’s HERE!”

So I fired up one of Adobe’s latest experimental…experiments.

And then:

  Scary, I know. (The mysterious Shot That I TOTALLY Didn’t Take, I mean. Why should ANY Adobe app be *scary,* of all things? Hmph. I hope everyone realises that I had the 8th or 9th version of Illustrator back in like 98 or 99.

Hmm, perhaps I should post last month’s diatribe against changing so much of a program that it seems like a whole new bit of software BUT keeping the name, causing unsuspecting Change-Resistors to freak out and buy every last copy of the software–and the only gadget that can still run that now-obsolete software.

This is a real problem, y’all!

It’s NOT that I’m maladaptive, btw, but that LOTS of software developers caught a disease called PANDERINGNESS, or perhaps a similar malady called ABANDONEERS via NOVELTY, whereby the software becomes something else, then loses favour with its client base, and then fizzles out. (Or, of course, the infamous condition called GREEDLYANNA.)

Hopefully this won’t happen to PAPER by 53, which hath triggered fresh and abundant waves of freak-outness with last month’s update. Oooh, let’s add some screenshots of the comments.

I was SO SAD reading them, y’all. I can TOTALLY relate to the thoroughly HELLISH and BEASTLY feeling of “my app’s been changed…? Where’s that one button a… WHAT??! It’s GONE??? WHERE’S MY SERIES OF PIRANHAS IN PASTEL WATERCOLOURS??!”

That’s exactly how I felt when BOTH Textify.it AND Type Drawing got thoroughly DOLTY updates a few years ago; if memory serves, those Twin Updates of Doom–meant to usher in iOS 5.3 or 6, methinks–well, it’s coz of THEM that I still have my iPad 2 on iOS 5.

But you know, I’ve never regretted that decision, coz an awesome-sounding software that does what it SAYS it will as well as you HOPE it will (aka “it just works”) is, like, worth diamonds. DIAMONDS, my friend. I’m not even exaggerating or anything, it’s the truth.

I would pay HUNDREDS for a single app that both OFFERED a cool thing and was made well enough to consistently MAKE that cool thing (and you know I would! Hello, I had over 2000 apps on the iPad 2!! I really am APPSESSED, you guys!)

Please, my dear and beloved developers of heavenly software… PLEASE settle down with all the updates and new features and stuff. There’s ALWAYS gonna be some cool new features and technologies and all, but there’s NO NEED in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD to literally KILL your BRILLiant app in order to give it a make-over that’s nothing short of Frankenst..oftware. Just announce that there’s no more updates on that particular version BUT KEEP IT ONLINE… then, put the overhauled brand new version online with a similar name, and everyone will be happy. Please, please, please, please please!

Phew, my lungs hurt from squashing the sobs that have gathered in the vortex of my very SOUL. (The Babies are snoring quite peacefully, see, so I’ve gotta curtail the wails.). Hmm, maybe I should post some snaps of them, so as to distract myself from the broken clavicle I’m sure to get if I keep remembering the time I lost TWO DOZEN SONGS I’d made on the second or third version of my fave Acoustica program. And let’s not even mention the whole PlayStation 3 DEBACLE of botched “Backward Compatibility.” Arrrrgh, how can it be borne??!

*swoon*

(Hmph.)

Anywhoodle, after messing about with the brush options and settings (SIZE and OPACITY) at the left, I chose the option that resulted in 3D-looking smears of paint. 

Which I sorely regretted after blinking in utter confusion and grabbing my forehead. (The brush-stroke right about thereish >

Oh, hold the phone, y’all… I just learned how to format stuff on WP a few hours ago, and need to look some stuff up. Back in a flash…!

(Or not. Hopefully the software won’t drastically change while I’m gone. Hmph.) Hehe, I’m so bitter about it all.

:D

         

MORE TO FOLLOW!

(I did mention that this APPSESSIVE review’s a work-in-progress…and will be forever, right? Right!

Take care and until the next (entry in PAINT CAN THEATRE)…

sb